Adopters Together parents feel it is important to be able to ‘tell it like it is’. From ‘good practice’ to ‘this should never happen’, the positives and the negatives of adoption are all important to learn from. The last thing we need is to feel we cannot be open about the difficulties we face as adoptive parents, as being honest about the challenges of parenting our children might deter prospective or new adopters. With more adoptive parents waiting, than children available to adopt, it is vital that those who adopt them are well prepared and well supported.
Opportunities to speak out can be very curtailed in adoption, and as special guardians because of our need for anonymity and need to protect the privacy of our children. Our friends and family, and even the professionals working to try and support us, may see only a ‘snapshot’, or look at behaviours stemming from trauma, not fully appreciating the trauma that is at their root. Parenting in this situation is not about compliance, control, and consequences. It is about trust, safety and relationship, and it will involve our children testing our love, and testing our boundaries – over and over again to enable secure attachments to be built.
There is, in most cases, no other forum for the views, experiences and stories we have put up here, to be brought into the public domain, which is where we feel they need to be. We feel it is important to speak out so progress can be made.
We also appreciate that whilst there may some bumps along the road for many families, their experiences may not be as extreme as some of the cases we have put up here where children have re entered care. If your story is a positive and hopeful one, with lesser difficulties, please do get in touch – we are still the right group for you!
And finally, and perhaps most importantly, if you would like to share examples of good practice with us, we would love to hear them. We would be especially interested in hearing from adopters who have had well supported reunifications with their children after they have re-entered care, and stories to tell about good connections and relationships with adult adoptees, who re-entered care in childhood and adolescense.
Names are changed, or not given, to protect professionals, children and families.
Please send us an email if you are interested in joining our group, wish to offer support, or would like to work together with us – email@example.com
If you would like to help us achieve change, please see our ‘How You Can Help’ page